Twas the Night Before Christmas -A Nursing Version
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the floor
Lasix was given, filling foleys galore.
Stockings were worn to prevent emboli,
they came in two sizes, knee and thigh high.
The patients were nestled half-@$$ed in their beds,
while visions of stool softeners danced in their heads.
We in our scrubs, and they in their gowns,
Fashion created to hide extra pounds.
When down in the ER it became such a zoo,
they called with admissions for me and you.
They're coming, they're going, and they're all looking the same.
My patience for patients is starting to wane.
Now call lights are ringing, the patient 400 pounds,
says "Didnt get my pericare, send my nurse now".
And now delegation seems the best plan,
We try to send others, for the needs of this man.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Santa himself and 8 tiny reindeer.
Hey says he comes from Central Supply.
To bring us LR, NS, & D5.
The doctors then scribbled what no one could read.
Orders on patients, to measure their pee.
We try to decipher illegible words,
orders for patients, to guaiac their turds.
The new shift arriving, our day is now through,
How did stool & emesis get in my shoe?
We give them report and pass on the facts,
and tell them of duoderm lining the cracks.
And the nurses exclaim as they limp out of sight,
"Ativan to all, and to all a good night".